


My One Regret

by purplepotato9176



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan, 進撃の巨人 | Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan (Movies), 進撃！巨人中学校 | Shingeki! Kyojin Chuugakkou | Attack on Titan: Junior High
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, M/M, One Shot, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-20 23:40:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30012735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purplepotato9176/pseuds/purplepotato9176
Summary: **AOT S3 SPOILERS**"Levi...Thank you."~~~The Battle of Shiganshina.Levi stands on top of the rooftops as he watches the man he dared to love slowly slip away from this world.The man he sent to his death fades as Levi breaks and realizes just how much he lost.
Relationships: Levi Ackerman/Erwin Smith
Comments: 1
Kudos: 22





	My One Regret

“Levi...Thank you.”

~~~

“Erwin...I promised I'd kill the Beast Titan, but...It's going to have to wait.”

“He's... dead.”

“oh-”

~~~

It was eerily quiet after he died. His last words rang in my head.

“Levi...Thank you”

I sat there staring at his lifeless body. He’s gone..he’s really gone. I guess it didn’t hit me til now.

“Floch, go help the others with Armin,” I commanded, Hange still sitting next to Erwin. I know they could tell I was still shocked. “Help me find somewhere for him to rest,” I mumble, turning away from them. Tears stung at the back of my eyes as I ran off, searching for a home that hadn’t been destroyed. 

Erwin doesn't deserve this. He deserves a proper burial. He might’ve been a devil, but he is no less deserving of a proper burial. 

God it was so silent.

I couldn’t take the silence.

“Levi...Thank you”

“Thank you”

I couldn’t help it anymore. Tears escaped my eyes and streamed down my face. I lost control of my ODM gear and fell to the ground. The sting of cobblestone and scrapes on my skin hurt less than watching him die. 

“You devil,” I muttered, cursing him under my breath. “You devil, why couldn’t I just save you”

The salty tears ran down my face and darkened the ground underneath me. I watched as they fell, seeping more and more into the cobblestones. 

“Erwin, I can’t do this without you,” I whisper, choking back sobs “don’t leave me” 

The whirr of ODM gear startles me back to reality, pulling me from the ocean of tears I was crying 

“Levi!” I heard Hange call. 

Hange…

I can’t let them see me. I need to find the right place...the final resting place for him. 

I need to calm down, stop the tears from running down my cheeks. I take a few breaths, holding the tears back. 

“...over here!” I finally call, wiping off my eyes. I desperately pull myself together, praying Hange doesn’t notice how broken I am. 

Hange stumbled to the ground a few yards away. “Levi? Did you find a place?” 

I swallowed and straightened my back. 

Shiganshina District. 

God it feels like forever ago when Bertholdt and Reiner broke down the gate. The masacre… the amount of lives lost…

“Is it worth it?” I finally respond, Hange approaches me carefully. 

She steps back in surprise “Levi I- what do you mean?”

I can hear the surprise in their voice. “It’s nothing-” I choke out, hoping my voice isn’t as shaky as it feels. 

“Erwin deserves a proper burial,” I hear her whisper. “At least the best we can find for him here.” Those last words broke me. Erwin won’t get to go home…he won’t be buried next to his father…he won’t get to achieve his dream.

“Hange...” I mutter, turning towards her.

“There’s a mostly intact house a little ways away, a bed and everything in it,” She started to ramble. “I-it’ll be adequate-”

“Hange!” I snap, my tone harsher than intended. I could feel the anger rising in my chest. He won’t get to go home...he won’t come home. Salty tears fall down my face as the cold air becomes harder to breathe. 

I know she can hear the choked sobs coming from me. It’s unbearable to stand here, sobbing and knowing she is only a few feet away. 

“Levi we-”

“Shut it!” I snap again, turning to look at her finally. “We need to take him back to Trost.” I say decisively. “He can’t stay here.” 

“Levi you know we can’t-”

“I’m not leaving him!” I yell at her. 

Our eyes are locked. 

There is another deathly long silence. 

“Levi…” Hange starts. Her voice is stern, masking the fear and pain in it. “As commander I order you to leave Erwin in Shiganshina.” 

“Hange don’t make me leave him-” 

“I said it’s an order,” Their stern facade slowly breaks. “Decide that this will be Erwin’s legacy, that this is where he will go down in history for his strength and leadership. Decide this is where he will rest.” 

I can see glistening tears well in their eyes as the panic and anger rises in my chest. Everything flies through my brain as I stare at Hange, the truth of the matter finally cementing in my head. 

“It’s my fault,” I whisper. My eyes are wide as tears fall down my cheeks. “Don’t you get it, Hange?! I killed him!” I yell. “I told him to die- I chose the brat over him, I-” I choke back sobs as my voice grows shakier and raspier. 

Hange stands still and stoic, watching as I crumble. Her composure only boils my blood more. 

“I SENT THE MAN I LOVE TO HIS DEATH! I watched as he died and couldn’t even kill the bastard who caused all this!” 

I fall to my knees against the cold hard ground. 

“He’s gone because of me!” My voice breaks as strangled sobs escape my mouth. I curl into my chest, grasping at any remembrance of him. “He’s gone because of me…” 

The wind whistles through the empty streets. 

“He was a devil,” Hange says, finally breaking the silence. 

“He was a devil,” I agree, “a goddamned devil...but a loveable one at that...” 

A broken laugh escapes my mouth as I sit back on my heels, staring into the grey clouded sky. 

“Why couldn’t I be selfish,” I say, feeling warm tears stroll down my cheeks “Why couldn’t I just be fucking selfish!” I yell to the sky. 

All I want to do is scream. 

Scream until my voice is gone. Scream until I can do something to bring him back...I want him back. 

And so I do.

I scream to the sky and sob. I yell and scream, all the anger buried so deeply underneath me finally exploding. 

I scream until my voice goes hoarse. 

I scream until I feel sick.

I scream and cry.

All I can do is cry. His words ring in my head, echoing in the empty chasms of my heart. 

“It wasn’t your choice to make,” Hange finally interrupts. “He chose this path Levi, it isn’t your fault.” 

I can hear the pain in her voice. 

“Erwin chose to die here...you and I both know that.”

Her words echo in my head. 

“He just needed the push that you gave him to do what was right...he needed you Levi.”

He needed me…

He needed me to let him, he needed me to tell him the right thing to do. He needed me to let go. 

“He didn’t die for nothing did he?” I whisper, finally looking Hange in the eye. Her face was riddled with hurt and guilt.

“No,” they said after a while. I watched as she studied my face and I knew she could see right through my stone cold glares. She could see how much that devil meant to me, how much I loved him. “He died so we could learn about our world, he gave us an advantage Levi… he gave his life for the cause, as all of us will”

I broke the gaze we shared and looked down to the ground. Wind started to breeze through the ghostly empty streets. I could almost hear his voice echoing as I couldn’t hold back the tears any longer.

“Levi...Thank you”

~~~

Hange and I carried our commander to the buildings she had first spoken of. We laid him on the plush bedding and searched for a sheet to place over him. While Hange rustled around in the room, I looked over Erwin’s body. This was the first time I really got to look at him after he died. He looked...peaceful. 

“I never got to say it...” I mutter, staring intently at his relaxed face.

I could hear Hange stop rustling around and slowly turning towards me. “You could tell him now...” She said carefully.

The tears stinging in my eyes disobeyed my greatest wishes and fell down my face. I have cried so much this day that I doubt I can ever cry again. 

There I was, staring at the lifeless body of the man I love. “I don’t want it to be true,” I say plainly, too scared to face reality. 

Hange takes a breath and reaches out to me “Neither do I,” they mutter. In my own frenzy I failed to realize how much this was hurting her too. He was our commander, our leader...our friend. He inspired us all and so many others to keep fighting for humanity. 

He showed us there was hope. He showed me that I wasn’t alone. 

“Hange…” I start, taking my eyes off of Erwin for just a moment. “I’m sorry.” 

“We can all be selfish,” she said, giving me a reassuring smile “it’s hard to watch someone you love die...even harder to have to let them go.” 

I swallowed and took a breath before turning back towards Erwin.

His eyes were closed and his uniform was disheveled and soaked in blood. I shakily stand and salute him, my fist clenched over my heart.

“Commander Erwin Smith,” I start, hearing the obvious pain and shake in my voice. “Not only did you inspire so many of our comrades to give their hearts to humanity, you did as well. You died in the most honorable way a devil such as yourself could...for the sake of humanity.” 

I could feel myself tearing up. I can’t cry again...not again. 

“You will be missed Commander, humanity has a chance because of you,” I can’t help it anymore. Tears stream down my face as Hange and I stand saluting our fallen comrade. 

She carefully drapes the white sheet over his body, putting him to rest. 

“Wait-” I stop her and grab her wrist. “L-let me,” I mumble. Hange relaxes and hands me the sheet. 

I stare at his lifeless body and watch as tears fall from my eyes, dotting his pale face. 

“Thank you Erwin,” I say, leaning down close to him. I press a soft kiss to his cold lips and squeeze my eyes closed. 

Our last kiss. 

“I love you,” I whisper into his ear. 

I only wish he could say it back.


End file.
